Progress continues, but it feels slow just now. I am having trouble building up my neutrophils and last week I went through a total loss of appetite with accompanying diarrhoea. Not fun. Fortunately a specimen showed it was not caused by infection, just the strange mess up to the digestive system caused by chemotherapy. In the mornings Martin asks me what I want for supper, and sometimes my desires are capricious and exacting, and Martin goes to great lengths to get it right only for me not to be able to eat anything when the meal is ready. When I do eat, portions are minute. Sometimes I crave spicy food and sometimes bland. I realise how frustrating and difficult it is for Martin as he so wants me to eat properly and pays great attention to proper preparation and attractive presentation only to have me turn my nose up at his efforts. Currently I am eating M&S chilled soups and maple syrup and raisin pancakes. A tiny bowl of soup and one pancake makes a full meal. I am drinking tea. Nobody asks me, they just bring it.
Today Elizabeth has gone home after being here two weeks. She is totally easy to get along with and tries to jolly me along when occasionally I feel emotional. It is nice to be with someone who will chat when you want to chat but who is just as happy to sit in companionable silence, each of us reading. Sometimes we watch daytime TV and rip it to shreds. We particularly like the RNLI rescues programme. I have to shout at the people who take yachts out when a storm is coming or without proper equipment on board. The man trying to sail a small dinghy without a cabin to America was a bit of a surprise. The diet of tins of hotdog sausages was quite a turn off but the lack of water or any kind of navigational tools was also very worrying. Perhaps he thought America was a couple of miles past Land’s End.
Each morning I wake up and consider how I am feeling. I get frustrated if things appear to be improving slower than I want. I just have zero patience. In reality though, things are much better that when I was discharged from hospital.
On Saturday we went a walk around Cannon Hill Park followed by hot chocolate in the café. A little treat. The best way to get through the days is to create little treats to look forward to, like a hot chocolate after a walk or a wood fire on a cold afternoon or a game of Rummeykub or as tonight, Brändidog with Pia and Steve. Especially good is a friend’s visit, which need not be long. Little treats to look forward to. I am so glad I am sleeping well at night. The night sweats have stopped and I am easily managing 8 hours. In the morning Martin fetches me tea and the day can begin.
Today we took some photos. I never thought I would ever have less hair than Martin but I do at the moment. It is growing, slowly but surely. My next hospital appointment is Thursday when I get my blood checked. Hopefully it will soon get back to normal and I can really begin to feel on the mend.
Chatting to others it is clear that most people feel better on a sunny morning but I never realised before what a huge difference sunshine and blue skies make to my mood. Very marked improvement if I can see the sun shining.
Today we have changed the bed linen and have washed that and all the towels. I shower everyday and change my night clothes every other day. Everything to keep as clean as I can. Martin vacuums the house 3 times a week and wages war with the kitchen surfaces on a daily basis. I don’t think we were dirty before but the photocopied handout on my follow-up care at home does expect a bit more effort. My ex nurse takes it in his stride and Florence would be proud of him. Plenty of clean pillow slips, even if the open ends aren’t all facing away from the door.
It’s Sunday afternoon and we are going shopping now to get the bulk of our weekly shop. Luckily the local Sainsbury’s has benches so I can take a rest from time to time. We are armed with our list and take our time. No rush. This week is better than the last.